A Weekend to Reflect

Well, it's been several days since we found out about the umbilical cord issue with our little girl. And while I know that it's not currently life threatening and that I should keep behaving like any normal pregnancy would, I can't help but go through some emotions following this whole ordeal.

I fully understand that we could have heard worse news. That there are so many couples who face issues during pregnancy of which mine pale in comparison. But one thing that we all share is the fear of the unknown. Of being out of control of the situation. Of having to wait around to see what happens instead of being able to actively control what's going on.

With HUT we had a scare with his neuchal translucency test. We opted to have an amnio, received great results and everything turned out fine.

Now, with this news, part of my gets angry. Why can't I have a normal, uncomplicated pregnancy? I'm mad that I can't enjoy my pregnancy to its fullest because in the back of my head I'm freaking out about the "what ifs" - what ifs that no one else has put in my head. That I have been told not to worry about.

Then I get sad - sad that everyone around me has to worry as well. My husband, my parents, my friends. Sad that while I'll try my best to enjoy every minute of what could, potentially, be my last pregnancy, in the back of my head I'm going to wonder if there was something that I'd done. Or could have done. And I'll never, ever be able to just let it go. It'll always be in there somewhere. The fear of the unknown.

And then I get positive. This part is hard for me, as anyone who truly knows me can attest to, I'm just not the glass half full type. But this time I'm going to be. I'm pulling on my big girl panties and telling myself, my family and my friends that THIS WILL BE OK. She is healthy. Her heart, organs and measurements are perfect. She kicked the neuchal's ass and told them that she doesn't have chromosomal issues. She bounced and kicked and "tapped" her way around inside me as they did the sonograms last week.

She's my girl and she's going to be just fine.

{ baby feet }

I have to thank a few people who have come out of the woodworks to share their stories of this same issue. Funny enough, each of them had a baby girl - which is no coincidence. Apparently this issue is more prevalent with female babies.

So to Katie, Jamie and Jessica - thank you for leaving me comments, tweets and emails about your own stories. They were inspiring, hopeful and, most of all, left a calm in me that was much needed after finding out the news.

And thank you to my friends and family, if you're reading this then you know who you are, who left me words of encouragement and are showing a positive front as well.

And because this little girl deserves more than to be called "baby dos" or "baby girl" from now on we're going to refer to her by her nickname. Ellie.

Ellie's full name will be shared upon arrival (I'll tell you this much - her name is not any of the normal or popular names for which Ellie is a nickname), but she deserves more than an anonymous blog name now. So stay tuned because as the weeks go by, the doctor visits come along and the sonograms are seen, I'll be sure to share with you our journey on, what I hope, just ends up to be a minor blip on the pregnancy radar.